On July 28, 2020, Mattel announced that he would release her the seventh presidential Barbie. They’ve been releasing it on almost every cycle since 1992, but of course America has yet to see Barbie in the Oval Office. But this year, Mattel presented her with a campaign team for the first time. The Barbie 2020 candidate came with a campaign manager, fundraiser and one (1) voter. At Barbie’s camp, hope was renewed that this could be the year she had won.
Forward forward until November 4, 2020. In an alternative space, somewhere around four women are discussing with NPR how Barbie lost the presidency again. Barbie candidate and campaign manager Barbie talks to a hostel in downtown Miami shortly after speaking about the concession. Barbie talks through Zoom from her home in Connecticut. Voter Barbie talks from his kitchen near Moscow, USA.
How the campaign started
CANDIDATE BARBIE: [pours scotch] This was my seventh run. And this is the last, I swear to God.
FUNDRAISER: [stubs out cigarette] I signed up for this campaign in my heart. I mean, think about the fundraising potential ̵1; it’s BARBIE.
CAMPAIGN MANAGER: I mean, yes, it is lost again and again. And she offered bilingual team campaign. How did she think it would work? But then I thought … think about the recognition of a woman’s name. I mean, who would reject that? Of course, I said so when she asked me.
WATER: Of course, I was interested in her. She’s been on this for so long. And so smart and coordinated and fulfilled. She did every job there. Why wouldn’t I consider her?
BARBIE’S CANDIDATE: I’ve been running for president since you didn’t even take the women candidates seriously in the media. I was of different races, different ethnic groups – I tried to break down all sorts of barriers. I have run for president since many of the great politicians any gender or race, even got into politics.[pause] Okay. Joe Biden ran earlier than I ever did. But still.
How the campaign worked
CAMPAIGN MANAGER: You are very right that it is difficult to campaign without a party or positions. Any speech was basically half an hour of indifference.
CANDIDATE BARBIE: Apart from “I will create jobs”, I did not say anything significant. But I have political views! I swear what I do! Example- [campaign manager lunges at her, clamps hand over her mouth. Both fall to floor, wrestle for 30 seconds.]
CAMPAIGN MANAGER: [gets up, dusts self off] Sweet. Even now you can’t do that.
CANDIDATE BARBIE: But I came up with a sheet of paper that could be a platform! I have to believe something!
CAMPAIGN MANAGER: [pours a glass for each of them] Yes, but it’s too little to read. For good reasons.
VOICE: Candidate Barbie seemed quite nice. I guess I wanted her to say a little more about what she was standing for, but not angrily or anything.
FUNDRAISER: [lights new cigarette, deep drag] WITH [expletive] Of course, we took corporate money. We were created by a large multinational corporation. You think we’ll get it back [expletive] down?
CAMPAIGN MANAGER: But seriously, we couldn’t say too much about Barbie’s beliefs. Do you know how difficult it is for Voter Barbie to pin? She is an empty canvas! I mean, she’s not a Barbie protester or a Barbie conspiracy theory. She is a “Barbie Voter”. How the hell do we take her? It is best to remain abusive.
VOICE: The Barbie Fundraiser calls me at all hours. For dinner. In the middle of my children’s football games.
BARBIE FUNDRAISER: You see, we had that sweet Mattel money, but we needed it small dollar donations. I had to show the Barbie voter that Barbie’s candidacy has grassroots support. Yes, I pumped Barbie voters for donations. Many.
VOICE: All right. I don’t have many opinions, but Barbie needs to raise money.
FUNDRAISER: [stubs cigarette out on campaign button] I catch a cold when a voter hits her [expletive] The limit is $ 2800.
About the fight against sexism
CANDIDATE BARBIE: Break the glass ceiling? At this point? There are about as many chances as there is a real woman who has this figure. [motions to her own DD-cup breasts and 22-inch waist]
CAMPAIGN MANAGER: I’m so bored with this joke.
VOICE: Candidate Barbie is not married. That’s weird, isn’t it?
CANDIDATE BARBIE: [draining scotch] Okay, I’ll take that back. Girls can do anything. I know it. Please be sure to type: “girls can do anything”. [glares] Do it. Of course. You print it.
VOICE: I’m honest: I just wasn’t one hundred percent sure she was elected.
FUNDRAISER: [gestures with cigarette for emphasis] I was proud as hell to work for a single woman, I’ll tell you.
VOICE: You know what I mean, right? I mean, me wanted vote for her. But is anyone else?
CAMPAIGN MANAGER: O. My. God. What “is she elected?” thing. Voter Barbie said that the same things in each focus group. But how … she is LITERALLY SINGLE VOICE.
FUNDRAISER: [unintelligible string of expletives]
CAMPAIGN MANAGER: LITERALLY SINGLE VOICE.
About the loss … and maybe surrender
FUNDRAISER: This gal worked so hard. You should feel a little bad.
CANDIDATE BARBIE: Maybe it’s time to throw in the towel. Finally, allow yourself to be me. Put on a few pounds, do surgery to not point to your feet, write a description, and finally have some thoughts.
CAMPAIGN MANAGER: You don’t mean that.
CANDIDATE BARBIE: [leans forward] All right, lady reporter. I will tell you my views on abortion, but we must refuse.
CAMPAIGN MANAGER: [sighs, rubs forehead, pours four fingers of scotch] You really don’t plan on running again, do you?
FUNDRAISER: [casually puts cigarette out on tongue] Oh, I don’t think I’m out of the game. Like, yes, I could run a super PAC, but that’s the way of a coward. Maybe I’ll convince one of Bratz’s girls to run. They’re not doing anything today, I don’t think.
VOICE: Thank God they made me with unsharpened legs. I had to stand there, waiting five hours to vote. Yes, yes, it was a test.
CAMPAIGN MANAGER: I emphasize once again: she is ONLY VOICE.
VOICE: Yes. I waited five hours. Why do you ask?