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Ask Amy: a train gift can ruin a friendship … or a marriage

I think it’s great! I think that when you give a gift, it concerns them as they please, and it does not bother me.

The problem is that my wife of four years does not agree. She believes that it was extremely rude for my godson and his parents to sell a personal gift I gave him for Christmas, at least without consulting me.

I told my wife that while they would be happy to tell me they were going to do it, I honestly didn̵

7;t care.

I am worried that my wife will say something about this to my godson’s parents (she indicated that she will).

We often communicate with them (they are one of the very few in our pandemic circle). I don’t want her to create heavy feelings.

Not only that, if that happens, I have to side with my friends because I agree with them, calling my wife angry with me or my wife, although I don’t agree, just to to make a more harmonious home?

In the cover: I have an idea: What about your wife so that she doesn’t think about her thoughts, thus ensuring a strong friendship and a harmonious home?

This is the essence of “not her business”. Your relationship with your godson precedes your relationship with your wife. It’s separate from your wife. You have every right to conduct your relationship with the boy as you choose. In addition, I accidentally agree with your position on the gift. It was not a family heirloom. It has been redesigned and now another child will enjoy it.

If your wife intends to convey this to the boy’s parents in your presence, you should tell her, “Well, I completely disagree with you, as I made clear when we discussed this earlier. When I give a gift, I believe that the person who receives it should do with it whatever he wants.

If your wife wants a harmonious home, she may not need to judge friends about their paternity or judge your godparents harshly.

And since this is a question about the godson, I will throw out my favorite warning from the Bible: “Be a merry giver!” You did it, and it’s good for you.

Dear Amy: I have only one living brother. She spent most of our adult years manipulating our mother to get more than her share of money, jewelry, family antiques, sometimes resorting to lies and even theft. She rarely called me, never visited and left me with most of the care for the elders.

Now she is single, her marriage is on the rocks, and her children are estranged or worried.

I invited her to visit, twice, but found her unchanged. She is still selfish and mean.

Now she wants to move here and join my close circle of friends and family. “Family first” is my religion, but I don’t feel it.

Confused: You can’t stop your sister from moving to the city, but you can certainly try to prepare her for reality by saying, “I hope you understand that moving probably won’t be the solution to your problems. I’m not ready to meet your needs. “

If this nurse is the main manipulator and crosses boundaries, you will have to work hard to set and often strengthen boundaries. Enter the word “no” in your vocabulary and be prepared to use it.

Dear Amy: Did you really need to quote fanatical and deceptive racists who called themselves “white Christians”? If they were Christians and read the Bible, they would know that Christ is looking at the heart, not the color of the skin.

Disappointed: I thought it was important to allow these people to reveal themselves.

2020 – Amy Dickinson, distributed by the Tribune Content Agency

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